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GET THEE HENCE!

(Editor’s note. Mz K submitted this article saying, “Pepper with hilarious images”. Then she went away. Therefore images may not be related to the story. It’s her fault for just bursting.)     I used...

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Don’t Break Your Boss’ Jaw, Fart On It

  Blow fish have poisonous testicles. Tee hee! Has this been hanging around the world, being known to everybody but me? I am so amused. BLOW fish. Testicles. POISONOUS testicles. Can somebody say...

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A Word From The ULK Ministry Of Security & Excitement

Kyokka do you know what has happened?! A zit! A plump, half ripe mountain of a felony has set up base on my face. A pimple so huge, it looks like a teabag has attached itself to my cheek. This simply...

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TOP TEN: Miss Kyrte hits back at a dude, and finishes him off with a smiley

Hello angry bastard. I know you hate me right now, but because you loved me before last Friday, which is when you started hating my guts, I know we still have hope. I swear I did not mean to: 1....

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KONA DANCING! For the greater good.

  The Pay it Forward Foundation is a CHARITY organization, which means that all its members are nice people who use deodorant, grammar and changwes. They’re trying (have have been since 2009) to make a...

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Open letter to the sea

Dear waters (the deep sea in particular), hiya! We have been informed by the fat little ninjas that live in our modems that you have recently struck up some beef with certain important cables that have...

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Advanced Guide To Being A Fun Drunk

Oh don’t look at me like that, with those round judgey eyes. You’re a drunk. I’m a drunk. We’re all drunks. My intoxicant of choice is life and occasionally, waragi. Yours may be cartoons and white...

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Wine Nine: Pronounced Eric Wainaina. He Was At Jazzville on Friday. This Is A...

A Chinese lady glanced at my VIP card for 0.001 seconds and then pointed me towards the red carpet. I was tempted to give her a lecture about Uganda. What made her so sure that I hadn’t just scrawled...

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Jane Bussman …. Your Ribs… Now FIGHT!!

Jane Bussmann is a journalist and comedian, a funny chick who is performing at Mish Mash tomorrow. She’s going to be telling some dumb stories and some scary stories in such a hilarious way that you’ll...

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SIM Card Registration: Let The Excuses Begin

It is the 28th day of February and there are stern faced kanyamas at all the telecoms, holding jambiyas over your number. If you performed the three minute ritual of registration at one point during...

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